Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You To Know

A mixture of comedy and sadness by Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson with artwork by Dean Stefanides.

Eleven dogs tell you their innermost thoughts.

Sarge...starts a police dog with a fondness for pot. He goes to a junkyard and then a hospital and even the movie business.. It seems poor Sarge just can't keep a job. He gets into tons of trouble and yet at the same time, his stories are a tad sad. He just keeps getting abandoned...or fired as he says.

Moonbeam is a rescued dog living with a hippie. He's not too fond of being forced to be a vegan.

Tinkerbell is the show stealer. Her pages look like a Facebook page and she's very sarcastic as she berates her human and the human's daughter. She's hauled around in a purse, drinks wine with the gardener when everyone is away, has the adventure of a lifetime, and bashes her human for assuming she has a Mexican accent. Her comments are snarky and funny.

"Why do you expect me to come every time you say my name? Do you come to me every time I bark?"

Orson is all about food. He just wants to eat, even spoiled guacamole -his fault for accidentally pulling the refrigerator tail.

Gabby is a show dog. I didn't find her that interesting

Rufus...poor Rufus. He's one of those dogs people get just to entertain the kid and then the kid grows up and ignores the dog. He's got fleas, ticks, mange, is a terrible hunting dog who gets kicked out sometimes. I thought his stories more sad than funny, but he's touching all the same.

Axelrod is kind of doofy. He talks a lot about fetching, the elevator, going to work, vomiting...

Dimples is constantly talking about her puppies and how bad a job her humans are doing raising them, but each one of her parts tells a funny story...like taking the Christmas photo. It can be quite the adventure!

Then there's Bandanna, Charlie, and Sophie..oh, Sophie is my favorite. She's been with her human a long time and they are...you could say, dying together. Her parts are just super touching and sweet. It's like what it would be like...growing old from a dog's POV. Her parts make you want to drop the book and hold  your dog.

But what was really awesome about this book is the pictures/layout/artwork. Sarge's parts look like a clipboard. Tinkerbell has the Facebook. Orson I think has an ereader. It's cute! I really like it. This isn't a book you toss away, but leave laying around to pick up and get a smile any time. It's a book you leave on your coffee table.

I absolutely loved it. I had a hard time saying something about each dog for the simple reason there's so much funny and cute stuff to remember, it's impossible to sum it up. They talk about lifting their legs, puppies, death, doggie day cares, baths, and licking your face, among other things.

I just randomly chose a page for something funny. Here is what Rufus does when no one is watching:
"Put bottle caps on my feet and practice my tap dancing. But it hurts."

It's just too cute. God a dog lover on your Christmas list? This would be the perfect gift.

I nabbed this via Paperback Swap.