Dear Author, Let Me Explain What's What...

I'm a tad irritated and tired of the same thing repeating over and over, so I'm going to clear a few things up. I can either shut the blog down, just do reviews, or attempt to explain what's what and try this again.

From Stockxchng

You're an author, your first book is out, you're excited.

But frankly, if you can't read my instructions well enough to follow them, I'm going to decide you must be illiterate. And if you are illiterate, how in the world did you write a book...a readable one anyway?

I'm going to assume you didn't and said novel is not hitting my TBR.

First of all, before you hit me up for a review request, read my guidelines. Again, if you can't read, I'm going to assume you can't write.

Mine are not a page long, do not contain endless details about my personal life or work hours or children. It's pretty straight forward.

When you email me with a review request and I'm just too overwhelmed to take it on, I may reply with, "Would you like to guest? Guest posts do really well on Book Babe and if you'd like to choose to talk about a topic that is relevant in your story, I'll get that posted on the NEXT AVAILABLE DATE along with your blurb, buy links, and cover."

Why, after I send that do you either 1. say yes, and then never send me a post. THIS IS WHY I NO LONGER ASSIGN DATES. I got tired of being your personal calendar. 2. ask me, "What do I do?"

I think I made myself clear. If not, here is a FAQ.

Q: What's a guest post?

A: It's like an essay. You can tell of a real-life experience that somehow ties into your book. You can talk about your heroine, how she's like you. You can talk about a political topic, a disability, how you got the idea for your book, something interesting you dug up while researching it. Keep it 1,000 words or less. We don't want my readers falling asleep.

I will not sit here all day and come up with topics for you. My audience is mostly female. DO browse the guest posts already posted and see what types of things are discussed here.

Q: What do I send you?

A: Send me your post in a Word document. You can send me buy links if you like. If you don't, I'll only post the Amazon one. I won't sit here and find them all. Send me your author bio and photo if you want it posted. Your blurb is what would be on the "back" of the book, but I usually find that on Goodreads. I will also find your cover on GR. I hate downloading lots of picture files.

Q: What date will I be posted?

A: Due to too many authors not bothering to remember their dates or send their material, leaving me with a spot to suddenly fill, I AM NOT RESERVING DATES. You will be posted within a week of the post landing in my inbox.

Q: I'm too lazy to write a guest post. Can you post a spotlight instead?

A: Other blogs apparently have great success with the spotlight. My readers have made it clear they aren't interested. Spotlights get all of maybe 16 page views. Guest posts get a heck of a lot more. Why waste my time and yours? Short answer: NO. Guest post or bust.

I'm flattered by all the attention I'm receiving and I hope this helps clarify what I'm looking for.

Thank you.