Dear Friend,
I want to discuss an important difference we have—something
that can impact our entire communication from this point forward.
When you were born, your hearing was normal. So was mine.
For years, I took the ability to hear for granted. I listened to my car stereo
several notches too loud and sat in concert arenas filled with the shrill
sounds of guitars, drums and vocalists belting out tunes. As a college student,
I worked in a noisy printing press environment without wearing earplugs. All
the while, my hearing gradually suffered.
For the past 11 years, my life has differed from yours. It’s all because of
a diagnosis I received two months after my oldest child was born: I have
progressive hearing loss.
What does that mean? Imagine losing the sensitive hairs that
line the back of your neck, one by one. You wait and wait for them to grow
back, but they never do. For some unknown reason, the hairs are gone forever.
That has happened to my inner ears. The nerve hairs in the deepest part of each
ear have been destroyed permanently. Cause unknown. Without these hairs, my
ears are not as sensitive to sound as yours.
The first part of my hearing that disappeared was with
high-frequency pitches—birds singing, kids screaming, phones ringing, and all
soft consonant sounds (f, s, t, v). Gone. Permanently. I am deaf to these
noises.
The inability to hear high-frequency pitches affects all of
my conversations with you.
You: “Is the baby sleeping?”
What I hear: “Ha! Baby leaping.”
You: “What time is it?”
What I hear: “Whoa, I’m in.”
I have worn hearing aids for nine years to help with hearing
better. But please repeat after me:
HEARING AIDS ARE A HELP, NOT A SOLUTION FOR HEARING
LOSS.
With my hearing aids, I can hear the phone ring and the kids
scream and soft consonant sounds—most of the time. Yet even with the aids, I
still can’t hear robins chirping over me as I sit on my backyard swing. Do I
miss that sound? Yes. Every day.
I want to ask that the two of us find a way to bridge the
gap between our hearing differences, to understand each other. So, here are my
suggestions...
~ Please face me when you speak. My eyes have become my
ears. I watch your lips move and interpret your facial and body gestures. That
is impossible to do when I am in the driver’s seat and you are talking to me
from the passenger’s side of the car. Let me stop the car or come to a
stoplight so I can give you my full attention.
~ Quiet rooms are always the best place for me to hear you
well. When this isn’t possible, I hear better in a private booth rather than at
a table in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Better yet, pull me aside, look
me in the eye, and speak slowly and with good articulation. Doing this will
decrease the chances of you having to repeat yourself three times before I get
it.
~ I don’t expect you to walk on eggshells if you are unsure
whether I have heard something you said. It is much better to tell me that I
didn’t respond to your question, than to assume I am rude, dumb or zoned out
for not answering.
~ If any of my suggestions seem too radical, I’d like you to
try an experiment. Wedge two cotton balls in both of your ears, then try to
carry on a conversation in a noisy room with your eyes closed. Difficult, isn’t
it? Welcome to my world!
By writing to you, I hope to provide insight that will help
when we have our next conversation. You are a good friend for taking the time
to read this letter. You’ve shown support in my hearing journey by taking an
interest in what I write. Thank you for that.
As your friend, here is my commitment to you...
~ I promise to give you my full attention when you speak to
me.
~ I promise to politely ask you to repeat yourself if I have
missed something you said.
~ I promise to care about what you have to say because I
care about you.
Blessings,
Shanna Groves
###
AUTHOR BIO
Shanna Groves was diagnosed with progressive hearing loss
two months after her oldest child was born. She was 27. Her books, Lip Reader,
and Confessions of a Lip Reading Mom, were inspired by her experiences with
deafness. Follow her blogs LipreadingMom.com and
Deaf-Insight.com/Ask-Lipreading-Mom, and read more about her writing and
speaking at www.ShannaGroves.com.
She has a book releasing soon called Confessions of a Lip Reading Mom. Also, take a moment to watch her YouTube video. SHOW HER YOUR EARS!
Very good letter indeed and some very helpful tips to help one communicate with others who may be deaf or hearing impaired. As Tara's mother, I know how hard it is for the deaf and hearing impaired to communicate. Thank you for drawing attention to this with your book and your blog. I hope everyone who reads it will learn something and remember it when they next come in contact with a hearing impaired person. I hope Tara's in-laws read this.
ReplyDeleteThis really brings it home to me. Brings hearing loss out in the open where you can truly understand the restrictions of the deaf and hearing impaired. As in your book, Hear Through My Ears, I can understand a little more with the reading. God bless you both. :)
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